WALT: Show Don't Tell
This week Rm5 did some writing about Showing not Telling. First, we had to write a sizzling start about a picture, then we had to use that starter or make another one and write a Before and After. Here is mine
The Cake Mixer
Before
The mixer was fast and the kids tried to stop it then a unicorn came.
After
“BIZZZ!!” went the cake mixer “ it's too loud, make it stop!!!” cried Luca. “ I'm trying to!” shouted Ella.
A few minutes later the cake mixer went dead silent “ what did you do?!” said Luca “ nothing, it just stopped.” Whispered Ella.
BABOOM! “ Hello, hello, thank you, thank you.” said a voice from the fog in the distance “ COUGH COUGH! Who's there?” screeched Ella
“ Me Unicorn!”
Reflection:
I found it easy to... Write After
I found it hard to... Write before
Next time I could... Add a bit more descriptive words
Kio Ora Dylan, Tabby here great job on your blogging work! I really like your story and I like the twist at the end when the cake turns into a unicorn. Maybe next time you could set it out a bit nicer on the side. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteKia ora Tabby, thanks for commenting on my blog I appreciate it. Next time I will set it out on a slide. Anyway thanks again for commenting on my blog, blog ya later.
DeleteHi Dylan it's Tait, I like how you put a lot of effort into your writing, maybe next time you should add a bit more descriptive words, good work.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Dylan, it's Tillie here, good job on your post. I liked reading about the get in to gaming, I want to read more. Keep up the good work bye
ReplyDeleteHi Dylan,Casper here. I really like your show don´t tell, Its very funny and interesting and I really like it. Good job and blog ya later!
ReplyDeleteHi Dylan its Hayden,
ReplyDeleteI loved your story about "The Cake Mixer".
I don't really have anything you should do it was great:).
Hey Dylan its Madie from your class,
ReplyDeleteI loved your blog about the cake mixer it was a very good before and after story keep up the good work:)